Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Mush Brain

I swear my brain turns to complete mush when I try to go out in public with my daughters. I took them to the library yesterday and sat there for two hours while my four year old played with a little girl and my 17 month old slept. Lucky for me, I was seated within eyeball view of the kids' dog section of the children non-fiction books. SO I briefly got up and browsed the different types of dogs and came to the conclusion that a Labradoodle may be the pup for me. They are so stinking cute yet big at the same time. Apparently a mix between a yellow lab and a Poodle. I love the unmanageable hair!

I noticed a stirring from the queen of 17 month olds. So I quickly remembered my life is hectic enough and shoved the book back in its place. Thinking I could keep her subdued in her stroller I quietly told Lily it was time to tell her new friend Emma goodbye. But of course Carly started screaming that she wanted down, Lily started whining that she didn't want to leave and I just sighed and slowly unclicked the stroller strap. What a mistake! Carly took off pulling books off of book shelves, destroying toys that normal kids would actually enjoy instead of ripping into pieces. I had a mini Godzilla on my hands and had to move quick.

As I impatiently told Lily that it was time to go NOW, she pulled out the oldest trick in the book. The creased eyebrow, the buckling knees, the grabbing of her crotch, she of course had to pee. I stood outside of the bathroom, peering around the corner to make sure Godzilla wasn't swinging from the lights by now praying that Lily would wipe, flush, not touch anything and wash her hands thoroughly and did I mention quickly?

When she screamed through the library that she went poopoo and I had to come help her wipe, I ran and grabbed Carly by the waist pushed the stroller with my boobs while juggling 10 books about the same princesses to the family restroom. I looked around at all of the staring eyes and just shrugged my shoulders and went into action.

We finally got checked out after being ignored for ten minutes and as this experience was not enough, we headed over to Target. My four year old insisted she was hot and dying of thirst and the only way she could think of to solve her problems was to have a slushie from Target. OF course it is conveniently placed at the front of the store, right in plain sight, no escaping the snack counter! So, being the thoughtful and mush brained mother that I am, I bought 2...yes 2 small slushies. No, I wasn't partaking in a delicious ice treat. I thought that it would be better if each of my daughters had their own this time. I averted a major disaster of fighting by buying 2 slushies. But little did I know of the disaster around the corner.

We were at Target because I thought the girls would like another blow up type pool thingy on the deck and assumed most of them would be on clearance since of course all of the stores think it is Christmas already. I walked through the aisle and Lily flicked her straw out of her slushie cup so that ten big drops of slushie landed right next to my shoe. I looked to the Target boy for help finding a paper towel and he very graciously offered to wipe it up. How horrible to make this minimum wage earning boy wipe up my daughter's mess. So I quickly said thank you and ran and hid in the frames department.

I saw Carly starting to pull her straw out of her slushie and I knew I was one step ahead of the 17 month old. I ran to grab her straw, she got pissed, I felt wet ice go through my shirt and no sooner than I think I can declare victory that the straw is now in my hand do I hear a loud smack and splash. There, on the white floor was her entire cup of now purple slushie. No wipe up boy this time. It was my mess, I would find the spill station on my own. I told Lily to wait with Carly (I know, did I mention I am up for mother of the year?) and I ran to the closest spill station, grabbed 50 kazillion paper towels and ran back to the frame aisle before anyone would notice. I dropped to my knees slopping up the mess as my kids laughed at me and kicked me in the face. I am only buying one, if any, slushies next time and I am holding the cup.

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